Friday, March 23, 2018

solitude, cool weather, joy-old post from fall 2017

I spent my two weeks as usual organizing the shack. Walking to get gallons of water. Hiking around with my pack basket to collect firewood for my usual morning cowboy coffee and meals cooked on the outside hand collected fire hearth. It always takes a few days for me to go from living sedentariley in the vicinity of comfort and familiar faces, easy food access etc. So as I get passed my few tired days after partying too much and over the lack of people around, I get into a vibe of joy at waking up alone, not often having much conversation and spending my days simply and without use of machines. Talk with neighbors is always pleasant as these people are very accepting of the person I am. I helped my neighbors move things out of their house to their garage and loaded a trailer for them to move East a bit to a little bigger town where their kids go to school and the wife works. They have fed me more than a few times and had me for dinner the one night I helped them red up. They gave me all kinds of useful lumber and different rope and good garden fencing and best of all an old kids play ground shed like thing that we loaded onto their UTV and put in my field. I spent a few days closing it in with random lumber and plywooding and papering the sides and roof. It houses firewood and chainsaw and ladder at the moment. But will be perfect for future chickens or goats or a place for someone who can rough it, to crash in a tiny space.

I had awesome days on my land. I hung the hammock in the copse of trees awhile to read and just literally think without any outside influence. The weather went to chilly fall, life high weather. One night after sleeping in the tent there was a little film of ice on a Rubbermaid tub outside. It rained a decent amount. A couple most all day rains happened. Some of my most joyous evenings were spent with my hammock rigged up inside, either reading with what light there remained or listening to NPR. I made a pair of pants from an old wool blanket as well. I'd take some shots in the evening of my brandy. I never had one drunk night though and just a buzz was adequate for change. Then, the pooch and I hitched the whole way to Scranton, in a day, slept just outside the city and made it 6ack to south pa days later to work a it for my uncle and prepare to deliver my dads van to him in oregon.

West Coast Return

Time is so immeasurable. . . at times, it is either so slow or too quick. Very few times is it perfect pace, just enough to 6e very much enjoyed.
While on the West Coast, getting there 6y delivering my dads work van from Pennsylvania to the Oregon coast, I spent my days, walking into town from the house I was renting with my dad and sister and reading writing and messing around in the dunes and pine woods. Some days, in like Decem6er, I'd feel so overwhelmed 6y knowing I'd 6e there till spring- the first time in years I had some sort of responsi6ility. 6ut, as I had planned, I started researching different skills and things I had never really dappled in 6efore- the Siuslaw Li6rary was a great facility for extensive su6jects and literature.
I 6egan dappling in meditation( to try to ease my sometimes angry spikes at my lack of solitude), yoga, I started experimenting with spinning my dogs wool as well and 6egan really learning what it takes to live with very little to no money-and thank Oregon for foodstamps. I as well 6egan drawing and illustration again. I started sketching projects for my hut and making lists of food to stamp to stash for next winter. Now I sit 6ack on the East Coast, after 6 months away, getting 6ack 6y driving. . . my grandparents cross country in the high rise 90's van, 6arely a6le to stand my grandfather and his extreme inferiority complex at any facet of conversation. 6ut, I feel my regiment of simple stretches, 6reathing excercises, and just general acceptance of what is, helped a lot: I do not like the man very much now, 6ut he is my grandfather and my 6lood is some of his and I feel no anger a6out any events that transpired on the nearly 3000 mile trip with two picky 80 year olds and the shitsu they oppress.

Monday, September 18, 2017

off grid and on foot, seemingly alone in a world ruled by machines

I crawled back to my cabin, this time with a ride from my sister after a hell of a blowout the night before. I had had to return to south PA after only two days off grid due to my great uncle, who I was decently close to, dying. It hurt a bit and then to go to his viewing was even harder, uncontrolled tears came and it sort of felt good as well to release. On arrival back down in the hellish city like hole of Mechanicsburg I decided, after my sister had picked me up in Mansfield, that I'd go quiet for a day or so. In mid drive, when my sister tried to sleep and I was chatty, she said I was talking a lot and in ode to my Uncle, Planetwalker and the shortened solitude I need for mental health I went mute. That night my sister and I acquired a fine intoxication, her telling every bartender I was not speaking for a bit. That night back at our moms, with another shot down, I unknowingly and drunkenly said a few sentences, sometimes not even realizing it. But, I wrote down what I wanted to say. It did help with anger and argument that would ensue due to my Uncle's death and the great tract of land he had owned. I being the monkish hermit I am wanted nothing to do with any squabbles or quarreling from most of that side of the family I never saw or really spoke to anyway. I stayed quiet for two days, even in explanation of why, my un-understanding mother was still angry about it. So anywho the night before I left, the day of the services, I felt very Bacchus possessed and with my Aunt fully into day drinking we all started early. I even went to downtown Harrisburg with them and a cousin and her boyfriend and my sister, after popping a percocet and ran into an old friend from HS who I had wanted to see again for awhile. Intoxication, in moderation lifts a veil to other things sometimes. The next day I woke up head slamming, early in my usual sleeping spot of my mom's large backyard. I got my sister up thinking she had work in the evening when she really didn't. Getting up early after a bender is a good way to be sick and on the 3 hour drive back to my place, with some extra gear in stow, I had to stop 3 or 4 times to purge the demonic poison that I would avoid for a little time. I feel partying hard is becoming obsolete for me. Aging and the fact that now I can just enjoy a few drinks and catch a buzz and its just as fine.
My sister didn't stay long after I unloaded my bicycle trailer and pack and extra food. I threw it all randomly and then took a short nap after I started feeling the hangover slowly subsiding, getting those little perks of joy knowing it was fading.
That night, at midnight, door open, us asleep on the floor as usual, I awoken from my hangover rest to the same assholes who have done something similiar months before when I had the donkey, drive down my path and I stand on the steps and yell "hey" the passenger looks over, as the drive right around my cabin, I fire a shot from my .357 right into the dirt, as they drive right over my cooking fire pit, then into my garden area. They drove over my stashed stack of downspout and a raised bed I had made, back around the other side, diagonally away from my door, I fire another round at the dirt behind their tailgate as these pricks drive through my field out to the gravel road. I don't think they'll return. Less than ten minutes later a truck starts coming down the road, me half awake and semi scared take the dog and revolver and dash back into the birch stand and wait, but the vehicle blares by down the road. So, the death dancer I am I go back inside and go back to sleep, door wide open, in less than a half hour, revolver un-holstered by my bedroll side. First night back fully off grid and I have this inconsideration of quiet, simple people like myself to deal with.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Unabomber Shack

Hitched to Pittsburgh then small routes to the shacker. Took a few days of some hard hitching and some easy and with motel nights. Was fun and bitter suppressing.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Update into nothing

Finally built a little 1/3 recycled cabin shack, on nearly a couple acres that I still am paying to my dad. Was quite cheap and is worth it. I could have to pay some bank or something but instead just do it through my understanding Dad. I want to travel a bit but am putting off a little rambling stint to work another 4 days for my dad and uncle. What I make will further money to my dad and I am getting the puke yellow vinyl siding we tear off for my cabin. Shingles, I put on yesterday up there, after driving my sister's little civic up with a friend, my 70 pound dog and gear and some materials. My neighbor up at my shack sold me over 2 square of architectural IKO shingles, caps-which a lot were trashed, but no matter- and a pail of nails for 50 bucks, last week. I gave him 60. Cool dude. He even rode them over on his little four wheeler cart and I only had to carry them about 15 yards and up my little 4 foot ladder into my cabin. I picked up the wood stove from my Uncle today, after thinking I would get dropped off to wait on a North bound train in Dauphin, Pa where I lived for a bit. So now I will work the next days, and give my dad a large smack of paper and then either ramble, or see about getting my little shit stove up to my cabin, then ramble. (head nod with smiling eyes-up and down), yeahhh that sounds like a great idea. No worries either way. Just like when it rained all day friday and into all day saturday up in potter county and come sunday the skies cleared and warmed and I was able to get my roof on before having to depart back down to here for my friend to go to work and for me theorize peacing for a bit. Few more days of work will be good. Nice out finally into cool fall and its not laborious work doing siding. I find myself nearly exhausted of any major worry, my mind has morphed into easiernessishism. As said before my mouth ever put together, Let it rollll.
I can see the depth of death in your eyes
I can feel
the pain and hunger
from your thighs

Friday, March 6, 2015

Sleeping Less-A Bit Repressed-Writing Diarrhea-Night of Work Skipped-I am no slave even if I chose the job

Woke up, after going to bed at nearly 4AM, Mato was already rolling out-little bastard- at 8:45. So I got up and feel pretty good. God, couple weeks ago I could do it, if it was a non-fatigue day, but I'd sleep 10 hours some days and be in a frickin' haze for most of the day.
Typical, family Drahmah but its all good, it happens, its family. I will not be like my egg layer's family and hold grudges or hate till my last breath. I have been night writing on the type writer a lot while watching Netflix or a bit stonededly, just my typical mind scatter shot and thoughts on the day and what I did. I remember typing it last night, pick at some words, let it sit and pick more, and thinking jeeze I type like this a lot, but the subjects are all different and day oddities changed, all together these little excerpts from the days of rambling, and writing and working and seeing and doing and theories and random thoughts should help someone like my favorite writer's own words have at times. Little daily, sometimes non-travel, mind trip, travelogues.
Last night, worked four hours for the first time for a different cleaning company, dusting the dustiest bull shit-which I woke up-with a slight chest tightness-oh well-. So I went to my other part time job and usually we clock in at 5;54 or 5, well no one to let us clock in was there yet and I saw 3 different workers sitting there, so I walked from my Rusty Turtle to the door and happened to see all 3 of these souls these people, these little junkies, all heads bent staring into L.E.D. glow frowns. PHONES PHONES PHONES. Well that kind of irked me and the one kid looks up at me and I'm pretty sure I gave a slight indication of hello and acknowledgement but he smugly looked away. So, I walked to my car and left without a word. Seen the "managers" on the way out of the tea bagging business complex and they saw me but didn't look.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Unbeknownst writings-(but oh well)- Mini Diary of Late Goings About

Worked 5 evenings last week, vacuuming floors for the janitorial company I have worked-on and off- for the past few years. Typically a month or so, last winter was only a few weeks I believe. Also, acquired another CL job for another cleaning company that pays 9.25 an hour and is only 6 hours on Saturday and 12:30 to 2:30 PM Tuesday and Thursdays. Will only be till End of March or Early April. We'll see how long I continue to stand this semi-conventional living. I want to save up more than my current moneys of less than 300 bucks, so I can either pay for a Rental Car out of PA past Ohio or oil change and maintenance, my over a year out of inspection and 2 days out of registration, Subaru wagon. I do have a thing for my ole Rusty Turtle and she has been so many places already and it just seems right to at least leave her out West or scrap or sell her. Could even give it to Tyler in Wyoming out there. . . We'll see. I guess I am more or less working to keep busier and saner and for a little dough for motels, gas if I drive at all and that's about it.
My first time working for the 5 evenings a week job I worked I think over two months there and used to go in a little drunk on Vladimir and OJ and every night stoned on dank. I even one time took my liquor and juice in the building and drank while working. I usually go stoned(one hit at a time) and it makes it go a little faster. I like listening to music but I can't do that all the time- I hate filling my ears with electronic increment heat. I don't care for the sound of the inside of an office or vacuum either but I know whats coming if ever something or someone was to come. I am getting tired of these damn cell phones too. I have a smart phone Sprint month to month plan but turn it off frequently. Went to snow shovel for my uncle at the Enola American Legion this morning, for pay, and left it in my moms outside garage where me and the mutt slept last night. Turned it off after contacting the new second employer and will leave it off probably till tomorrow or so. Though, I was in new contact with a woman. . .
I like working part -time too if I have to work at all. A few hours a night 6-10 isn't so bad. Saturdays will be six but its only for a few weeks. Though, even this still feels like a waste of time. I am thinking of the road for sure. No more staying put this trip I need to move move move. Main destination(though OHHHHH how plans change for me in a second) hit up Tyler and his lady at their house in Buffalo, WY-then Montana? Oregon and Washington? California? would really like to meet up with his dad, Hawk, again too. Contact Stickbender or Elk Watcher. but thats as far as I go. To contact people ahead of time or think of what to do is futile. I have no real plans. KY was spur of the moment decisions-fun one- but I stayed put in mononucleosis-depressed- monotonously for a bit too much boredom darkness.
Helpx? probably not? I think I'd still be more content in an apartment for a few weeks, month. . .ehhh? than staying on some one elses property with specific duties every day. I really cannot maintain schedule at all. It brings me down way more. Thats why I really need to get into the groove or rather lack of, movement, whether bicycle-need to pursue this out west with trailer for pup- or hitching and trains for extended periods. Look for other traveling friends and look forward to my other fellow Pennsylvania tramp coming West this summer at some point. Was thinking again on a burro in Montana and wandering around like Everett Ruess again. Me and a dog and a goat or two or burro or both. Come cold wander the PCT south into Calif and then back North in summer. Living off the trail and woods and rambling through towns.
THATS MY LIFE PLANS AND DREAMS MAN. My real answer for my last interview, even though I still told him I live in the moment mostly and as far as I'm thinking ahead, next week, I want to still be working-though just for ROAD MONEY and DOG FOOD MWHAHAH.